Category Archives: Senior Care Professionals

Senior Care Professionals

For Better or Worse…Love that Endures the Test of Time

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Corinthians 13:7 Love PoemLove is in the air during this week of celebrating Valentines Day. My parents were married on Valentines Day, 1941, so this day always makes me reflect on their 56 years together. Both raised during the tumultuous depression years, they built a successful life together from humble beginnings. True partners in business and life, they raised 5 daughters, and enjoyed many triumphs and together faced many challenges along their journey. Their love certainly endured the test of time.

Tom Brokaw’s book, “The Greatest Generation” talks about this World War II generation’s perseverance through difficult times as a testament to their extraordinary character. These men and women developed values that were rooted in personal responsibility, duty, honor and faith. I reflect on the stories that my parents’ shared of their childhood years, young married life and it certainly was no question where they strength and fortitude to face life challenges were formed.

Nothing however, prepared either of them or our family for their aging years when dementia entered my dad’s world and later Parkinson’s disease for my mother. We witnessed our tall, strong father slowly be swept into another world, while my mother struggled to live with the roller coaster of emotions of each new day.

What seemed to hurt the most was their growing loss of independence. The role reversal that takes place between parents and adult children is not natural or easy in any way. In my parents’ case, it was small signs that alerted us to their need for help. Our constant struggle was when to step in and how to do it with grace. Sometimes it went fairly well, and other times it left all of us hurting – to the core.

My work today is centered on the life changing journey of caring for my parents. Through Dad’s dementia journey and then later walking beside my sweet mom as she gracefully fought the battle of her life with Parkinson’s Disease, I could not be more thankful for experiencing it all with them, and honored in what I was able to do for them.

Their love brought them through the most joyous and darkest of days. And although their aging years were not easy, I was immensely blessed to have been a part of all of it, for the difficult times made me a stronger person and made me realize that..

Deep, strong and faithful love ALWAYS endures the test of time.

Senior Care Professionals

Person Centered Care: The Art of Authentic Listening

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Authentic listening leads to empathetic, person centered careWith today’s emphasis on person centered care, communication skills are essential. Any senior care or hospice professional regularly interacts with people with communication challenges stemming from brain injury, stroke, hearing loss; Parkinson’s disease or Alzheimer’s disease.

If we were to take an honest look at how we normally listen we would see something like this:  We appear attentive and listening to the words the other person is saying.  We may be distracted by our thoughts about what we are hearing while already forming our response.  Or we may be having little (or big) judgments about what is said.  Most of the time we are more involved with our own experience than that of the other person.

Develop the Qualities of Authentic Listening

Listening from the heart requires self awareness and a willingness to expand your comfort zone.   Intend to listen more authentically. Here are some tips for how to become an authentic listener.

  1. First of all, quiet your mind. Our minds are in constant motion due to distractions that compete for our attention. Quiet the mental chatter and open a space for deep attentiveness.
  2. Listen without judgment. Judgment is reacting based on our own past experience. We react because our personal triggers get pushed resulting in judgment. Awareness of your triggers opens communication. Simply receive without judgement.
  3. Commit to patience. We live in a rushed world. We tend to move on to the next thing rather than attend to what is in front of us. True communication can’t be rushed. Be patient.
  4. Remain in the moment. Let each moment of the interaction unfold without trying to steer it a certain way or without preconceived ideas about where the conversation is going.
  5. Listen first, and then respond. Our tendency is to mentally form our response while the person is still talking. Focus first on what the person is conveying.
  6. Be honest. If you are unable to fully attend it’s better to say so than pretend you’re listening. When preoccupied, tell the person you care but you can’t give your full attention right now. This is acting with integrity.
  7. Listen with your eyes, rather than just  your ears. Observe the non-verbal message. What is body posture telling you? Is voice tone consistent with spoken words? What’s the facial expression saying?
  8. Be comfortable with silence because it leads  to powerful communication. Silence allows the heart to connect and builds trust and empathy.
  9. Lastly, receive the gifts of authentic listening. When you listen from the heart you enter into a mutual experience of giving and receiving. Let the experience uplift you.

Authentic listening is not about doing anything. Therefore no formulated response. No need to fix anything or to make the person feel better. But rather it’s about being with the other person while caring about his or her experience. In conclusion,  Rachel Naomi Remen tells us, “Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening rather than the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes on the people around us.”

Senior Care Professionals

True Story of Navigating our Confusing Healthcare Maze

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Healthy lifestyle achievement concept with a labyrinth and a blue goal sign with health text isolated on white background.

Welcome to the world of healthcare! Having just moved to a state with a very large senior population, many of whom have mild to moderate dementia, my story of navigating the healthcare maze should make us all sit up and ask ourselves how our seniors, especially those with dementia, can traverse this insanity.   Here is my story:

First doctor visit in my new state and it goes like this…

Twenty minutes of exploring the parking deck for an open spot (that’s 14 rounds from bottom to top and back again).

I was told to arrive 30 minutes early, but they failed to mention 20 minutes would be spent dive bombing for a parking space, so I was already 10 minutes late.

Enter a large, noisy atrium with lines, people, phones ringing and chaos.  No directional signs of where to go first, so I inquired at the first desk (which looked like it might be information).

Sure enough, I was directed to a very long, Disney-like line (you know the ones that wrap for seemingly miles filled with anxious people).

Enter Desk 2, in which I gave them my name and doctor whom I was to see.  “Is this your first visit?” to which I responded “yes”.   And the reply “Do you see the pillar with the clock on it?”  Looking in the general area I finally find the 12″ clock on the wall.  “Go over there and fill out the paperwork and someone will come and get you.”

I was handed the clipboard, which had five 2 – sided sheets, 1 pen and 1 pencil.  I was to fill the forms out in ink but the questions with the bubbles I was told needed to be filled out in pencil.

I filled out 3 lines when the “concierge” came to greet me.  I told her I was not finished but she directs me to the office anyway.  So, I gather my “stuff” and settle in to her office while trying to complete my forms.  She then begins to ask for insurance card and drivers’ license as I continue to work.  While still figuring out if I should be using the pen or pencil, she hands me 2 -3 pages of release forms while asking me questions.

Finally, I’ve finished the paperwork!  She enters some information in the computer and asks again for my doctor’s name.  “The doctor is not in this building” she states matter-of-factly.  Quite puzzled, I asked why they would ask me to come to this address, when the doctor I’m to see is not even in here!  Well, that prompted the concierge to go check with the front desk and 30 minutes had passed before she came back with a confusing answer.

It was now 1/2 hour past my appointment time, so we had to reschedule.

Fluster and exhausted,  as I walked out I saw a sea of people whose average age seemed to be about 80.  Did they know what was in store for them?  How many, even with the mildest cognitive impairment would have found the system to be overwhelming and confusing?

When I finally saw my doctor the next day (go the elevator, make a right at the bank of desk, sit at the right side of the room, follow the Nurse assistant to the maze of small patient rooms and meet my Nurse Practitioner (not the one to whom I was assigned because she is in another building)… I mentioned to her that I was a Dementia and Aging Educator.

“We need dementia education so badly here!” she quickly replied. A simplified guided system with staff educated in signs to look for to identify those with MCI or mild/moderate dementia would be step #1.    Do they suggest to patients to bring someone with them that will have all of their current information, med list, etc?

They were in fact very interested in finding out more about the dementia training we offer.  I look forward to sharing Dementia Live™ with them and opening their eyes to what their patients experience as they traverse the healthcare maze.

 

 

Senior Care Professionals, The Faith Community, The Family Caregiver

Wake-up Call for Faith Communities: Don’t Forget your Aging Members!

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Photo of business hands holding blackboard and writing FAITH diagram

Through the years I’ve had the great privilege to work with thousands of elders and families as my professional career in senior care began in educating families and faith communities.   I will never forget one of my earliest conversations with a couple who had attended a caregiver support group in which I was facilitating.  Emotionally, they shared how their parents had served faithfully in their church for over 40 years and now that they were homebound, the they felt as if they had been forgotten.  This tugged at my heart, as I remembered how vitally important the church was to my own aging parents and how much that care and compassion for our parents comforted us as adult children.

Members are aging quickly in virtually every faith community.  Adult children and their parents are struggling with the emotional, physical and spiritual toll that illness and the complications of aging creates.   As federal and state resources for the aging decline rapidly, needs are increasing even faster.  The cost of long term care across the spectrum is out of reach for a growing number of Americans.   Where does this leave the church and it’s role in the societal challenges facing all of us in our fast aging world?

I’ve witnessed how incredibly effective it can be when faith communities, local agencies, non-profits, service providers and volunteers come together to meet urgent needs of homebound elders, especially those needing food, housing, medical equipment, and services.  Support groups for caregivers, meal delivery, in-home and nursing home visitations,  companion ministries are all vital outreach efforts that can make an incredible difference in the lives of our elders, their families and our communities.

Strong leadership, education and champion volunteers are the thread of success in faith communities stepping up to meet these complex needs.  When implemented successfully,  everyone wins.  Active retirees find purpose, the younger generations of the church experience giving in action, and the church becomes an integral part within their surrounding community that helps agencies that desperately need more assistance.  Senior care providers can provide knowledge and assistance in navigating services and supporting caregiver programs.

I have provided caregiver education and support services to one church in particular for many years.  They took on the challenge over 8 years ago to start a day respite program for those living with dementia.  Thousands of volunteer hours from dedicated, passionate people have poured their lives into providing this no cost service to members of the community and their care givers.   It is one of the most successful respite ministries that I have seen.  I recently was with this group and was so moved by their consistent dedication.  When I asked what kept them going, it was without hesitation that they pointed to their group of elders and replied ” they  need us but not near as much as we need them. They brighten our days and give us back so much more than we are able to give to them.”

A perfect example of faith in action…

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute whose mission is to provide worldwide aging education and training that changes attitudes and actions to improve the lives of our elders.  She remains passionately dedicated to helping faith communities transform their aging adult and caregiver ministries through leadership training.