Tag Archives: empathy

The Beautiful Harmony of Caring and Compassion for Elders

We all like to think that have compassion for others don’t we?   After all, we give care, so we must have empathy.  Is there a difference between caring and true compassion?

Caring for another person is is an act of displaying kindness and concern for others.  It is the work or practice of looking after those unable to care for themselves, especially sick or elderly people.

Compassion is a form of emotional engagement that is beneficial to patient care.  Compassion involves the  sharing of feelings of another as a means of coming to an understanding and appreciation for how they feel.

Can we provide adequate care to someone else without being compassionate?  Unfortunately I believe our standards of care for elderly, disabled and sick individuals have focused on care without the importance of compassion, empathy and understanding.

If empathy involves emotional engagement with someone else, it also involves understanding their world.  We can care for someone by providing for needs but not necessarily moving into their world, walking in their shoes and sharing in their struggles, joys and challenges.

When compassion and caring merge, care partners build trust, form deeper and more meaningful relationships and go beyond physical needs to digging deeper in understanding and meeting emotional and spiritual needs.

Compassion training, especially for those caring for someone with dementia, chronic illness, pain and end-of-life can empower both care partners, families and communities in which they live.

Educating families and professionals in understanding and helping those they care for cope with their challenges starts with empathy, compassion and understanding for what that person is dealing with.  When a care giver gains empathy, their world merges with those they are caring for in new and wonderfully positive ways for both partners.

Take time to learn the art of compassion and mover from a caregiver to a compassionate caregiver.   Leaders, embrace compassion training for staff and families.  Everyone is better served with more compassionate caregivers.

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute and a passionate advocate for elders and those that serve them.  Pam is the creator of the Dementia Live™️ simulation program that helps caregivers increase understanding , compassion and empathy for those living with cognitive impairment.  

www.AGEucate.com

Person Centered Care: The Art of Authentic Listening

Authentic listening leads to empathetic, person centered careWith today’s emphasis on person centered care, communication skills are essential. Any senior care or hospice professional regularly interacts with people with communication challenges stemming from brain injury, stroke, hearing loss; Parkinson’s disease or Alzheimer’s disease.

If we were to take an honest look at how we normally listen we would see something like this:  We appear attentive and listening to the words the other person is saying.  We may be distracted by our thoughts about what we are hearing while already forming our response.  Or we may be having little (or big) judgments about what is said.  Most of the time we are more involved with our own experience than that of the other person.

Develop the Qualities of Authentic Listening

Listening from the heart requires self awareness and a willingness to expand your comfort zone.   Intend to listen more authentically. Here are some tips for how to become an authentic listener.

  1. First of all, quiet your mind. Our minds are in constant motion due to distractions that compete for our attention. Quiet the mental chatter and open a space for deep attentiveness.
  2. Listen without judgment. Judgment is reacting based on our own past experience. We react because our personal triggers get pushed resulting in judgment. Awareness of your triggers opens communication. Simply receive without judgement.
  3. Commit to patience. We live in a rushed world. We tend to move on to the next thing rather than attend to what is in front of us. True communication can’t be rushed. Be patient.
  4. Remain in the moment. Let each moment of the interaction unfold without trying to steer it a certain way or without preconceived ideas about where the conversation is going.
  5. Listen first, and then respond. Our tendency is to mentally form our response while the person is still talking. Focus first on what the person is conveying.
  6. Be honest. If you are unable to fully attend it’s better to say so than pretend you’re listening. When preoccupied, tell the person you care but you can’t give your full attention right now. This is acting with integrity.
  7. Listen with your eyes, rather than just  your ears. Observe the non-verbal message. What is body posture telling you? Is voice tone consistent with spoken words? What’s the facial expression saying?
  8. Be comfortable with silence because it leads  to powerful communication. Silence allows the heart to connect and builds trust and empathy.
  9. Lastly, receive the gifts of authentic listening. When you listen from the heart you enter into a mutual experience of giving and receiving. Let the experience uplift you.

Authentic listening is not about doing anything. Therefore no formulated response. No need to fix anything or to make the person feel better. But rather it’s about being with the other person while caring about his or her experience. In conclusion,  Rachel Naomi Remen tells us, “Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening rather than the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes on the people around us.”

Senior Care: How Stories Generate Empathy

Stories make us feel empathy.
Stories are worth sharing

The connection between stories and empathy may not be obvious. It’s been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. But maybe words are worth our attention, too.  Consider Philip Pullman’s comment, “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” Stories connect us. They help define who we are. Stories make us care and, turns out, science is helping to explain why stories have the power to change our brains.

Stories Create Empathy

When you make a point, engage an audience, or even promote your business, a story captures attention in a way that simple facts can’t. To explain, I turned to Paul Zak whose research has uncovered the link between stories and empathy.  He says stories engage more of the brain and stimulate oxytocin production. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter produced in the brain and blood that has been called the love and connection hormone. When oxytocin levels increase we feel safe and more compassionate toward others, resulting in a more empathetic social connection.

I’ve seen this first hand in my own work. When I tell a story about how a very old person responded in a Compassionate Touch® session people are moved. When I simply point out the benefits of this approach, they understand on an intellectual level but that’s all. Stories reach our hearts and souls and that old person “comes alive” to the listener.

Mary’s Story

There she was, this wisp of a woman in her wheelchair, alone in this big empty dining room.  Her eyes had a far-away look and every few seconds she sobbed. Was she in pain? She didn’t seem to notice when I spoke to her.  I simply sat quietly with her. Saying her name, holding her hand and stroking her arm, she looked at me for the first time. She accepted my touch but the crying jags continued as she gripped my hand. When time for me to go,  she said in a weak, but clear voice something that shook me to the core.  “I’m so lonely”.

The next day I saw her again. She lay in bed, so tiny she was barely visible under the covers. She stared at the ceiling, crying. I took in the scene as I stood the doorway to her room. Not one picture, flower, card or anything else personal was found. Who was this woman? All I knew was the moment.  “Hi Mary, its Ann. Can I sit next to you on your bed?” She actually nodded yes! I massaged her hands and softly stroked her hair and cheek, a touch I often use to comfort people with advanced conditions. Still, she cried every few minutes. But she reached up and touched my cheek and even looked me in the eye. I stayed present in her little world. At one point she took my hand to her lips, kissed it and said I love you.

It was wonderful to see this woman go from profound loneliness to enjoying a relationship in her own way.  As I was leaving, a nurse came in and said “Hi Mary” quite casually like she’s probably done a thousand times.  And Mary, in a clear voice said Hi!  The nurse clearly was amazed.  I walked away with a smile in my heart because

Capture your own story.

We create a story every time we touch someone. True, some are more memorable than others but many are worth capturing—and sharing. But if you’re like me the details of a story fade quickly unless we find a way to resurrect them.   Here’s a tip. Dedicate a notebook or journal to jot down your own stories. It doesn’t have to be formal, however quick notes will do. I have carried a journal in my that goes with me into homes and communities.  Some stories are just a line or two.  A glimpse through the pages brings back memories of people who have help shaped my work, blessed my life, and opened my heart to greater empathy.  So share your own stories. They bring to life the power and validity of your service in the world. We’ll all be listening!