Pam Brandon |

I just can’t help but talk about gardening this time of year. I admit it – I’m addicted. It’s not uncommon for me to get my garden gloves on early on a Saturday morning and still have them on when at sundown. Once I start working in my garden, I just can’t stop – especially this time of year. So why am I going to talk about caregivers resentment and weeds in your garden?

Weeds can take over a garden – very quickly. And before you know it, the weeds are all there is in the bed. It’s unsightly and worse, it keeps the good stuff from popping up. They zap the energy in the earth, grabbing all the good minerals for themselves, and leaving those gorgeous flowers to fend for themselves. So what’s the answer? Pull them! And keep pulling them – don’t stop! Because if you do, they’ll soon find out they are unwanted and with proper bed preparation, the weeds eventually get the signal that there is no room for them.

Caregiver resentment, like weeds, can creep into a caregivers world and take over quickly. Caregiver resentment is not healthy, does not allow the beauty to shine and certainly is not good for your overall health. So let’s have some straight-talk on caregiver resentment. Have you heard this from someone else or be honest – have these words come out of your own mouth?

“I’m just exhausted. Mom has been in rehab for over a month and once again my brother hasn’t made it in, my sister came for a few hours – LIKE ALWAYS- I’m the one holding down the fort. I’m there every waking moment, running home to care for the dogs, water the plants and make sure the mail is taken in. No one seems to EVER get that I have a job and other responsibilities. I guess their upcoming vacation is just taking all their time in planning. Gosh, it must be nice.”

I’m going to stick my neck out here and say this is not only resentment but a serious case of caregiver martyrism. We’ll call this fictitious (but very real) person Mary. Obviously, Mary is very resentful of her siblings not stepping up to the plate. We don’t know if Mary has expressed to them the need for help. It has happened before, so either her siblings have not been told that they need to take on some caregiving responsibilities or maybe Mary has just determined she would take it all on. I would venture to guess that she might even be a little resentful of the dogs, plants, and mail – not to mention her mother!

Mary is experiencing caregiver resentment – toward her siblings, added responsibilities and quite possibly her mother. I’m guessing that her visits with her mom may be stressed-filled and hurried. In addition, her resentment might be affecting her other relationships with loved ones and friends.

If Mary were to offload some chores, and either accept that her siblings are not helping, or seek assistance from other sources, she may find the weeds of resentment begin to shrivel up. Her visits with mom may be more pleasant, and she might even have time to spend with her family, friends, and hobbies. Of course, I would suggest that Mary dig in the dirt and actually do some weed pulling herself! It’s great therapy and teaches you so much about what’s important in life while learning little nuggets of truth along the way.

Caregivers, please watch for those weeds of resentment that may be creeping into your life and before they take over, please do some digging. Resentment is not healthy for you, and it’s not fun to be with someone who is carrying this with them.

Remeber to pull the weeds and water the flowers – it’s a gift to yourself and those around you!

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate Training Institute and a passionate advocate for older adults and those who serve them. A longtime family caregiver herself, she has devoted the last 10 years to helping caregivers better care for others and themselves.

http://www.AGEucate.com

I know I’m not the only one munching on graham crackers and milk in the wee hours. For those of you who sleep like a baby and wake up refreshed and energized… well let’s just say the rest of us are green with envy.

Good quality sleep is not overrated. It’s absolutely essential to our health and well being. According to Nancy Foldvary-Schaefer, director of the Cleveland Clinic Sleep Disorders Center, “We now know sleep is an active process – all your organ systems behave differently during sleep, restoring themselves.”

During sleep, our bodies are busy at work repairing itself, cleansing toxins, reducing inflammation. And in recent years, research has linked higher risks of brain disorders, diabetes and obesity to sleep deprivation.

People living with dementia are certainly not immune to sleep challenges. Disturbances can be caused by changes in the brain that cause restlessness, urine or prostate problems, pain or discomfort, sleeping too much during the day, nightmares or environmental factors (for example external noise or feeling too hot or cold).

As dementia progresses, routine becomes more important to one’s feeling of safety and security. This is certainly true with evening and bedtime rituals. Not unlike what all of us should practice, here are a few reminders of what may help prepare for a better night’s sleep:

Light exercise in early evening, and wind down 90 minutes before bedtime. Electronic devices should be minimized.
Dozing should be discouraged, as this may make falling asleep even more difficult.
Avoid tea, coffee, sodas or alcohol should be discouraged, as all of these can have an opposite effect, especially for someone living with dementia.
Make sure bed and room temperature is comfortable (cooler is generally better than warmer).
A regular routine of listening to soft music, a light back rub or applying aromatherapy lotion may be very helpful in creating a calming atmosphere that may induce sleepiness.

As more holistic therapies for sleep are ushered into person-centered care practices, less use of pharmacological aids will be needed. Side effects of sleep-inducing drugs can have negative consequences on quality of life for those living with dementia and their care partners.

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute. Their groundbreaking program Compassionate Touch® is a practical and feasible means to reduce behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia and crete positive engagement of elder, staff and family caregivers.

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Caregiver Resentment and How it’s like Weeds in your Garden!

AAHHHH….. To Sleep Like a Baby Again. Is it Possible?