Caregiving during the holidays: Acceptance and support

As Julie Boggess remarked in her recent blog, informal caregivers and the care they provide for care recipients represents a substantial part of the long-term care support system. Caring for a loved one with dementia is challenging and can be difficult. Both stress and burnout in caregiving are all too common, as Pam Brandon’s blog notes. This is especially true during the holiday season. The extra demands that accompany this time of year make getting the regular things done more challenging, and the expectations for getting everything done can be overwhelming.

With the holiday season upon us, how can caregivers reduce stress and the potential for burnout? There are several good resources that provide strategies. AARP offers 10 Tips for Caregivers During the Holidays. These tips provide suggestions for managing holiday activities while being a caregiver. Also, the National Institute on Aging provides hints for making the holidays more enjoyable.

One of the best ways to prepare for the additional stress the holidays bring is to manage expectations. Be prepared to discuss changes with people who may not have seen the family member in several months. It is good to prepare for the potential questions about the care being offered and medical management. Questions and offers of advice may not be helpful, but remember you are doing the best you can with the information you have now.

When my mom was moved into the nursing home, sharing her care was difficult. After working with the certified nursing assistants to help them understand who my mom had been, and what her preferences were, sharing her care was a relief. It was also beneficial to see people caring for my mom who only knew her as she was at that time. Seeing how they worked with her helped me come to terms with who she had become. Sometimes it may take seeing a person through someone else’s eyes to accept where you and the person are. And acceptance can bring relief and peace, which is always beneficial.

Overall, remember to be patient with yourself and the person you are caring for. Do your best to accept what others can offer. Some people have the capacity to give in certain ways, but it may not be in the way that you would prefer. Let go of what you can. Acceptance can bring relief, whether it is in accepting help or accepting changes.

Kathy Dreyer, Ph.D., is the Director of Strategic Projects at AGE-u-cate® Training Institute, which develops and delivers innovative research-based aging and dementia training programs such as Dementia Live® and Compassionate Touch®, for professional and family caregivers; kathy.dreyer@ageucate.com

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