Considering Retirement? This Might Change Your Mind

I wonder if “retirement” will be one of those words that get’s shelved as such a “twenty-tens” thing.  Why the buzz about nixing retirement?

A study of nearly half a million people in France found that people who delay retirement have less risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease or other types of dementia.  It is the largest study done thus far and backs up the theory about brainpower and the benefits of staying mentally (and physically) sharp.  Researchers agree with the findings that working tends to keep people physically active, socially connected and mentally challenged.  All of these things are known to help prevent cognitive decline.

“For each additional year of work, the risk of getting dementia is reduced by 3.2 percent,” said Carole Dufouil, a scientist as INSERM, the French government’s health research agency.

Are we turning the tide on what old age means and when society determines we’re used up?  I certainly hope so!  Famous people such as actress Betty White (95) and Warren Buffett (87) haven’t given up their day jobs, and neither have any intention of doing so!

104 year old Fauja Singh recently ran the UK based Mumbai Marathon and is to date the oldest running marathon runner in the world.  He took up the sport at the spry age of 81!

Certainly we are seeing the tide change, as our health care and  retirement systems reevaluate the worldwide longevity revolution.  Living 30, 40 or more years in “retirement” is neither financially feasible or healthy for many many people,  and it’s stretching federal and state budgets in ways that no one dreamed of decades ago.

So before gazing into your crystal ball and seeking that dreamy “retirement” you would be wise to consider what work brings you in keeping mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually young.  If, after examining your decision, you opt for retirement,  have a plan of filling your days with meaningful activities that are healthy for mind, body and soul.   Follow the advise of professionals on healthy aging:

  • Stay active. Many studies show exercise reduces dementia risk.
  • Stay connected — join a club, travel, volunteer. Social ties boost brain health.
  • Eat right. High cholesterol may contribute to stroke and brain cell damage, while dark vegetables and fruits may help protect brain cells.
  • Do mentally challenging activities such as word puzzles and other things that stimulate thinking skills.

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate Training Institute and a passionate advocate for older adults and those who care for them.  

www.AGEucate.com

Holiday Traditions…Accepting Change and Transition

or christmas cooking and kitchen utensils on wooden table, top view

I love traditions, especially holiday traditions.  Being from a large Italian/Norwegian family food played a big part in these traditions.  We didn’t just make a few dozen Christmas cookies.  We made hundreds and hundreds of cookies.  The Friday after Thanksgiving was when the season’s serious cookie baking kicked off.

My mom and I would gather the old family recipe cards, many which were already decades old by that time.  We’d gather our shopping list, pull the tins (that were only used for Christmas cookies), clear the kitchen table and enthusiastically start the month long activity of creating sugary, buttery, nutty, chocolaty, almondy, gingery, cinamonny wonders.

My dad was only allowed the burned or “seconds” cookies, which he looked forward to at least one or two from each batch.  Other than that, the cookies were layered in tins and frozen, and not to be touched until Christmas eve.

As our family evolved, kids married and moved away,  Christmas gatherings were no longer always in the high double digits.  But for some reason, even when I too was married and starting my family, there was always the sense that it wasn’t Christmas without truckloads of cookies being lovingly created.  As the years past, I had to get a grip on the fact that 600 cookies was not necessary for a family of four, even with many plates for friends, shut-ins and church  events.

Traditions are certainly important.  They remind us who we are and they give us an identity and purpose in this big crazy world.  Accepting that traditions can evolve is also very important, or it can lead to feelings of disappointment and sadness.

How can we keep traditions alive while adjusting to changes in life, circumstances, and the people with whom we share these life memories?

Here are some suggestions that I came to grips with as my own parents aged and as physical and cognitive decline made us look at holidays at what was important.

  • Accept that change is a part of life, and be open to trying something new and different.  Wow, this was tough for me, but when I did – guess what?  It made me feel free.  Instead of a small shipload of cookies, I was happy to bake just my very very favorites.  In doing so, I freed myself up to enjoy other things during the Christmas season that I enjoyed.
  • Decide what is important and make that a priority, but know you may have to scale back.  Attending Christmas church services and festivals was and always will be at the core of my joy during the season.  As my mom’s Parkinson’s disease progressed, it became difficult to get out, so we chose just a few simple services and concerts that were more manageable and enjoyable for both of us.
  • Big is not always best.  In fact, I can say with conviction that in the years I’ve shared this with caregivers, it is almost a universal fact that if we focus on quality, quieter visits, it becomes much more enjoyable that large boisterous crowds.  We think that is a gift, but in actuality, most older adults begin to feel very overwhelmed and anxious is this environment.  So instead of ALL the family, set aside small bits of time to enjoy your loved one with conversation, touch and just the joy of presence… that is preserving the moment.
  • Accept last minute plan adjustments.  Illness, disability, cognitive decline or any other number of circumstances may mean that a holiday plan may need to be canceled or changed.  This is called life, and if we accept it with grace, it will be less stressful on caregivers, families and your loved ones.  Sometimes these unexpected changes are actually blessings in disguise for accepting what may be a new normal.

It has been 10 years since my mother’s passing, and while I hold these traditions near and dear, I have also been able adopt new traditions with my family that make life all that much richer.  My hope is that you may do the same.

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute and a passionate advocate for older adults and those who care for them.  

www.AGEucate.com

 

 

 

Caregivers and Self-Induced Holiday Stress

Is it any wonder that upwards of 25% of caregivers suffer from self-induced stress over the holiday season?  I was not at all surprised by  that statistic, and actually I believe it is probably higher.  Then I read that 65% of stress is due to family and in-laws!  That puts a whole new twist on WHY caregivers by and large are at great risk of stress related emotional, physical and spiritual breakdown that starts in November and last for at least 2 months!

Self-induced stress is a result of our own uncontrolled thinking, or of mishandling issues that are NOT in our control.   Inaction or simply not knowing how to handle situations and circumstances causes self-induced stress.

Christmas is loaded with expectations, isn’t it? Christmas shopping, decorating and entertaining.  How many of us  knock ourselves out trying to make it the “perfect” Christmas. Much of this stress comes on because we simply not being realistic and in doing so  we  set ourselves up for failure and disappointment.

Caregivers should give themselves a genuine gift of lowering expectations of yourselves and others, especially during the holiday season.  If families are the source of so much undue stress, then let’s contemplate a few things that might reduce or alleviate some self-induced stress:

  1.  Make a promise to yourself that you will be satisfied with what does get done… and what does NOT get done.  You may find that simplifying things is actually more enjoyable and you might be  able to appreciate what the season means to you.
  2. Understand that family members are not going to step up to the plate.  For some reason, caregivers often have false hopes that “this Christmas” will be different.  How would it change your attitude if you just focused on what you are able to do, and not have any expectations at all from others?
  3. Don’t stop healthy habits because you are too busy with holidaying.  We all know that healthy routines and habits take dedication and being intentional about taking care of yourself.  We also know how easily they can go by the wayside.  Make a commitment to continue exercise, mindfulness, meditation, proper sleeping and healthy eating.
  4. You don’t have to be a contributor to  the U.S. Gross National Product!  Financial strain is certainly self-induced stress, no matter what the situation.  You control how many clicks on the “Pay” button!

Above all caregivers – remember that you simply can’t pour from an empty cup.  Take care of yourself first so you can care for those you love.

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute and a passionate advocate for older adults and those that care for them.  

www.AGEucate.com

How to Improve Communications via Empathetic Listening

Empathetic listening is defined as a method via which you can prevent or manage disruptive or challenging behaviors.  Caregivers can benefit from practicing empathetic listening, especially with people living with dementia.   The result will be improved communications and reduced stress for both care partners.

  1. Be present, and attend the conversation at hand. If you’re multi-tasking, or preparing your response instead of listening to the speaker, then you will only experience the conversation at a superficial level. You’ll miss cues as to what the other person is feeling, and your cognitive empathy will feel forced or faked. Attend the moment.
  2. Don’t be judgmental. If a person has taken the time to share their personal experiences with you, honor that vulnerability by being open to their perspective.
  3. Pay attention to the speaker, their facial expressions, and their body language. Your understanding of these cues is instinctual; you simply have to allow yourself to be open to them. If they’re happy, sad, afraid, or upset, take note of that emotion, and respond to it. Your response to their emotional state is even more important than your response to the words they use, because the majority of communication is non-verbal in nature.
  4. Be quiet and patient. Don’t jump into any break and begin speaking, because not every statement needs an immediate response. This is never truer than in a tense situation that involves the speaker venting over some hurt. You’ll often find that if you simply allow the silence to linger after a break in the tirade, they’ll break the silence themselves and offer a solution.
  5. Make sure you actually understand the issue at hand. Ask questions, attempt to clarify their meaning, and restate the message you perceive them to be communicating.

As we enter this holiday season of family gatherings and changed schedules, it’s important that families and friends practice these tools.  Remember  that someone living with dementia thinks, feels and acts differently, especially under stress.  As caregivers it is ultimately our job to change how we think, feel and act!

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate Training Institute and a passionate advocate for older adults and those that serve them.  

www.AGEucate.com

 

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