Tag Archives: Assisted Living

Coping with the Emotional Toll of Moving a Parent to Assisted Living

Family caregivers need support to handle the emotional toll.

My friend Lana is on the emotional roller coaster of moving her mom to assisted living. Coupled with holiday stress, it’s taking quite a toll. Like most seniors, Lana’s mom would rather live in her own home. However, her functioning declined to the point that she fell several times, leading to multiple trips to the emergency room. Lana fretted over the decision to look for another living arrangement for her mom. Fortunately, guidelines helped identify when it was time.

Assisted living may be called for if a senior has difficulty performing tasks of daily life, such as:

  1. Basic personal care tasks, such as bathing, dressing, toileting, eating.
  2. Paying the bill, handling the mail, preparing meals, cleaning, and transportation outside the house.

Furthermore, a worsening medical condition may lead to a lack of activity, falls, incontinence, and poor nutrition, as was the case with Lana’s mom. After yet another hospitalization, it was time; however, the emotional toll has been heavy with grief, doubt, regret, and guilt.

Author Liz O’Donnell offers these strategies to ease the transition.

  1. Give it time. It takes from three to six months to adjust.
  2. Ask friends or family to help.
  3. Expect setbacks. Ups and downs are typical. Allow yourself to feel discomfort with the fact you can’t fix it.
  4. Be a good listener of your parent’s concerns and feelings.
  5. Surround your loved one in familiar belongings from home. Limit new things. The situation is all new.
  6. Advocate for your parent to help build a team. Let them know who your parent is and what her preferences are.
  7. Set boundaries. Decide what you are willing and able to do and stick with it.

Finally, Kathy Dreyer’s recent blog post offers these words of wisdom from her own experience of managing the emotional toll of moving her mom to a facility.  “Let go of what you can. Acceptance can bring relief, whether it is in accepting help or accepting changes.”

What do you believe is essential to help ease the emotional toll of moving a loved one to long term care?

Ann Catlin, OTR, LMT: For twenty years, Ann led in the field of skilled touch in eldercare and hospice. She has nearly forty years’ clinical experience as an occupational and massage therapist. She created Age-u-cate’s Compassionate Touch program and now serves as a Master Trainer and training consultant.

Assisted Living: Technology and Quality of Life

Woman in assisted living on her computer.
Woman in assisted living on her computer.

Technology can boost quality of life for people in assisted living. As baby boomers age technology will take a much bigger stage, as suggested in some consumer trends.

A Few Real Life Examples

I once volunteered at Rowe Sanctuary, a nature center along the Platte River in Nebraska where thousands of Sand Hill Cranes gather on their way to points north.  People of all ages from around the world visit the sanctuary to witness this spectacle of nature.  I operated the Crane Cam, a remote camera placed on the river. The camera sent images to the National Geographic website.  While operated the camera, a couple approached, curious about what the process.  After I explained how it all worked, the woman told me about her mother who was in a nursing home in another state. Evidently her mother had been to the sanctuary several times in the past. She had been an avid bird watcher for many years. But since in long term care, she no longer participated in bird watching.  The daughter became so excited because she had recently set up a personal computer in her mother’s room at the facility.  It was possible for her mother to peek in on the Cranes via the internet and reconnect with her love of bird watching.

A gentleman in memory care used a PC to write poetry and letters to his family. In his career he’d been a successful business man, therefore the desk and computer in his room helped him retain an important part of his identity.

One young man with cerebral palsy resides in assisted living. He plays keyboard and records music on his PC. Sounds like a typical twenty year old, doesn’t it?  His keyboard was modified to compensate for poor coordination, so he managed independently. He proudly played his musical creations for guests.

We surely can expect more people in community care with their own computers. It might serve as one way to lessen the feelings of isolation and boredom that plague so many who must reside in assisted living.

What are your thoughts about the link between technology and quality of life?