Tag Archives: family caregiver

Easy Way to Connect with Grandparents from Miles Away

Want to connect with your grandmother or grandfather but can’t go the miles to see them and don’t know what to say over the phone?

Stop feeling guilty and start writing! Here are some quick and easy ideas and tips on how to connect and what to say!

Use the US mail, don’t rely on text or email. Send your love and hugs by way of a meaningful postcard, notecard, or short letter.  Include a photo from time to time. Postcards and notes can be enjoyed over and over again and will bring new smiles each time. Plus, your card and photo can be shown with pride to friends, care-partnering staff, and other family members.  Concerned your grandparent can’t see or read your note? They will enjoy holding it close and looking at it and someone else will read it aloud to them.

Don’t overthink what you write! Write a few words to express feelings of love and gratitude. The feelings of love and joy that you create through your cards will flush through an elder’s whole being and stay with them long after your note is read.

Getting started:

  1. Buy an assortment of postcards whenever you travel or buy a box of assorted note cards. When buying note cards, get ones that speak to your grandparent’s interests and preferences. Such as ones with photos or sketches of flowers, or birds, scenery, cats or dogs, or old Americana.
  2. Address and stamp each postcard or envelop. Now your notes are halfway complete!
  3. Write multiple notes at one time and mail them a week or more apart.
  4. To accommodate diminished vision, use large and legible lettering.
  5. Get in the habit of sending one of the cards on a regular basis. Whatever works for your schedule whether it is monthly or weekly or less often. But, do it! You will be glad you did!
  6. When on a short or long trip, send a postcard. Share your adventures. It does not matter that you will be home before the postcard arrives in their mail. Remember, it is your thoughtfulness that counts and the smile that gets delivered.

Thoughts on what to say:

  1. Express your love, give compliments, and share happy times, upbeat memories and emotions. This is particularly important if you are writing to a loved one with dementia. As dementia progresses, an individual is most able to connect through words that trigger emotions and feelings.
  2. Share your adventures through travel postcards! Postcards are great for letting an elder know that you are thinking of them. Remind them of how much you enjoyed going on trips with them when you were little or hearing about their trips to the beach or to the mountains. Thank them for inspiring your love of traveling. Bring your words back to thoughts of your grandparent; remind them how wonderful you think they are, and how much you love them.
  3. For your grandparent who loved to BBQ, bake, or cook amazing Sunday dinners, remind them of your favorite dishes or desserts that only they could prepare. If writing to your grandmother, let her know of your attempts to make it and how it turned out. Tell her it was almost as tasty and pretty as hers and that it was a big hit with your friends. Thank her for teaching you how to make it and sharing her recipes. Tell her how you happily bragged to your friends that it was your grandmother’s recipe! Give her compliments and you are sure to raise a smile.  Let her know if you burned it but will try again. That too will bring a smile.
  4. For a grandparent who was a gardener, get cards with beautiful plants and flowers on the front and remind them how much you enjoyed their fresh flowers, the roses, the iris, or potted geraniums. Let your grandparent know that you can actually still conjure up the scent of their beautiful yellow roses. Add a sprinkle of floral essential oil or perfume to your card.
  5. For the outdoorsman, send postcards of mountains, trails, fishing, and big-sky country.
  6. To the grandparent who could repair anything, share a story of something you repaired!
  7. If you’re a student, update your grandparent on your studies. They will be proud of your accomplishments. Share your favorite subject, especially, if that subject is important to your grandparent.

Whatever you write, focus on helping your grandparent enjoy the moment! That is the most meaningful and loving way to stay connected from afar.

The feel-good moments you create will be enjoyed repeatedly – each time they pull your card from their pocket, desk, or bag, they will have another opportunity to enjoy it and smile.

Your cards and words will help your grandparent stay engaged in your life, give their life added meaning, and both of you will benefit from the loving feelings expressed.

 For more good ideas on how to stay connected with a loved one, go to www.360eldersolutions.com or contact, Sue S. Wilson, LMSW at sue@360eldersolutions.com to make an appointment for a free initial 30-minute consultation.  Sue is a Certified Trainer for AGE-u-cate® Training Institute.  

http://www.360eldersolutions.com

www.AGEucate.com

Please Don’t Forget the Hot Fudge Sundae… and other Dining Tips

As my mother’s Parkinson’s Disease progressed,  it was very apparent that food and the mealtime experience became more important to her.  So much so, that I remember saying “Mom’s still finds joy in yummy food”.  That said, her “yummy” was not always the healthiest, but we wanted her to be happy.  We knew that healthy foods were important, but probably not as important  as the joy of witnessing her with excitement dig in to a chocolate fudge sundae with extra whipped cream.  Now THAT was a  quality dining experience!

At some point, certain foods either don’t appeal to older adults due to medications, loss of taste sensation or because it becomes too hard to chew and swallow.   Finding the balance between “healthy” and “joy” hits home as we see our loved ones world get smaller and they have less to look forward to on a daily basis.  The dining experience to us was wherever it happened to take place.  That might be at the dining table,  sitting up in bed, or relaxing on the patio.   As a family we expected that experience to include:

  • Food that was visually appealing – a colorful mix and variety on the plate.  Too much food turned her off, and she would simply push it away.  So less was always better.  If she wanted more she would ask for it
  • A relaxing environment with minimal chatter and over-stimulating noises, especially TV
  • One or two people to engage with while eating.  Much more than that and it became to distracting and we noticed she would eat less
  • Foods that were easy to pick up with fork and spoon, easy to chew and swallow.  That meant small pieces, fish instead of meat, pasta that could be picked up easily with a fork (spaghetti noodles were a disaster!), and food within easy reach
  • Condiments and spices nearby that she could ask for you embellish her food and someone to help her with this
  • Never EVER forget the dessert

Whether your loved one is living at home or in a community based setting, the environment in which they are eating , the details of how the food is presented and ease of eating as independently as possible is very important.  It can be one of their few joys in life, so pay attention to the the little things, because they often so important.  Instead of looking at it as a chore, what a difference it would make if it were viewed as an experience.

And please don’t forget the hot fudge sundae…

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute and a  passionate advocate for older adults and their caregivers.  

www.AGEucate.com

Caregiver Martyr Syndrome – What to Look For and How to Help

Caregivers of older adults are some of the most selfless, committed people on the planet.   Simply put, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver.  The problem lies in the fact that some caregivers believe they are the only ones who can care properly for their family member.  This is often referred to as Caregiver Martyr Syndrome.

martyr, 3D rendering, traffic signI’ve talked about this martyr syndrome many times over the years when speaking to family caregivers.  Often I get an inquisitive look – like “Wow” she just called me a Martyr.  When I follow-up my question with assuring them that I got an A+ in the school of caregiver martyrdom,  I would hear and feel  sighs of relief, as if I had just given them permission to be honest with themselves.

Caregiver martyrs are certain that they are the ONLY ones who can properly care for their loved one.  Because they are such caring and selfless souls, they become intertwined in the needs and desires of their loved one, so much so that it could easily be confused with co-dependence.  So, if a caregiver believes “I am the only one that can properly care for mom”, then guess what happens?

  • Other family members and friends become “inadequate” to care for your loved one.  This spells resentment and stirs up anger among the caring circle.
  • Caregiver martyrs take on more and more responsibility, often to the detriment of their own needs or those of their family.
  • As this snowball continues, caregivers isolate themselves (and their loved one ) from many people who are willing (and able) to help in the care of their loved one.

Martyrs need to step back and reflect – then get out a paper and pen, listing all of the things they do for their loved one AND all of their other life responsibilities.  When I ask caregivers to do this, they are often shocked to see all they have taken on.  Then the big question:

Is it really possible for anyone to take on this much responsibility and do it well?  The answer is clearly NO.   So the next step is to allow others to help by taking on some of these tasks, whether they are things that must be done every day, every week or every month.  Go back to your caring circle and allow each of them the blessing of choosing something that will lighten your load.

Being open to accept help, and realizing that you are not the only person on the planet who can provide good care for your loved one may be the greatest gift you can give to yourself, your family members, friends, and most of all your care receiver.

Pam Brandon is President/Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute.  Caring for her own parents transformed her life purpose to help others who are caring for older adults.  Creator of the Dementia Live™️ Experience, this program is helping thousands of caregivers in the US and abroad to better understand people living with dementia.  

www.AGEucate.com

The World needs more AGE-u-caters! Are you one of them?

The rapid pace of our aging world is changing the face of every facet of our society from health and long term care, to faith communities and business establishments.  Across the spectrum, issues such as these are at the forefront of leadership discussions:

  • Dementia friendly hospitals – how do we transition as the average patient age increases and cognitive impairment becomes more prevalent
  • Person and Resident-centered long term care – how do we properly train the current workforce and prepare for the shortage that is already upon us and certain to become even more severe in the near future?
  • Families caring for older adults make up the largest percentage of caregivers in the US and the world.  How do we educate, support and provide resources to help them cope with the physical, financial, emotional and spiritual challenges of the caregiving journey?
  • Faith Communities are faced with ministering and caring for their skyrocketing numbers of aging adults, yet often lack the training, staff and volunteers to meet the complex needs of their members and families.  How do they receive guidance and training to help them further their ministry and mission in helping those in need?
  • Age friendly communities, businesses and organizations must have a plan and guidance to successfully meet changing demographics.  Who can help with better understanding the needs of older adults?

Aging educators and trainers work with long term care providers, hospitals, the business community, families, faith communities, and public agencies.  They are trained in a variety of aging and caregiver topics,  whether one is a professional or family care partner, business person who serves an older adult population, or serves either of these groups with public resources.  We call them AGE-u-caters and they are part of our team at the AGE-u-cate® Training Institute!

AGE-u-caters are  seasoned professionals in the aging field, coming from the senior care industry, clinicians, social work or education.  All have a passion to help others by using their skills to train, educators and coach others.  Often they are looking for a career change, recently retired from long term regular employment, or supplementing retirement income or other part time work.

AGE-u-caters are networkers, involved in their communities and continually learning about the aging field.  They are part of a fast growing worldwide network aging advocates in their local and regional communities.

The world needs more AGE-u-caters!  Could you be one of them?

www.AGEucate.com

Pam Brandon is President and Founder of AGE-u-cate® Training Institute.  She is a passionate advocate for aging adults and those that care for them and is leading a fast growing network of worldwide AGE-u-caters who offer innovative and powerful training and education programs – creating transformative change for an aging world!